Brittany Nichole Bohn

Wow..I was pretty bad, look at the way I wrote your letters. I just want to say welcome your cousin Nicolas Vidal home today July 12, 2019 he has joined you, I miss my baseball players San Francisco Giants doing pretty good so far still behind but catching up, your daughter is beautiful, keep watching over her Sierra will be having a baby girl in S, so I have not been on here much does not mean I do not miss it is just most of the time I am numb I do not want to cry and God has harden my emotions I do not know what is worse to fake I am ok, or to be out of control I have not found that balance yet, all I know is I feel no hate, or anger I just do not feel at all..I have become num Britt but my grand kids keep me going and your beautiful daughter Grace, is a teenager she is so pretty, you would be proud of her You would have been 32 this August wow we that makes me old I love you..I always will know matter what..I am trying to get my life back with seeing a Dr, it is so many things I have to get right I do not know where to begin..until next Time Britt

                             

Hi sweets..We miss you..It is the holidays..I hope you are
Happy..I think about you, everyday, aunt Pauline, grandma

     I dream about all of you, they are so real, thst I feel you
Have not left me.Mom comes to me, telling me she is ok
and she asked me, how I am...well I am here, but I miss all of you so much..I fear..but I know God is near..Mike is gaving a 3 baby, he Is having another boy, your sister Sierra is in Louisana doung mussiobary work, I muss her so..Cheyenne is taking care of her little boy Jayden, and Brandon is single and working, your dad misses you we are just not the same family since we list you, your little Grace is growing up so fast, you woukd be proud of her abd Jaumar being a good dad, you would be so happy, she is 8 years old, she teminds me of you, she has your beautiful personality and is smart beyond her years..I go to see you, and place flowers and I make christmas wreaths for you and mom I will add a special somethirof
 for aunt pauline and grams.I hope you like what I make for you, I do this because I love you and I do it for your loving daughter Grace
I feel sad sometimes. .I an stil bitter that your
Story was never told and justice was not done
I feel betrayed by our justice system and those
People are still free including the detectives
That let you down...but I have to leave it in Gods hands now. WE ARE IN 2014, Is a crazy time sweet heart, tco many chikdren getting killed by poluce officers,  it is a scarry time for
Our children, grand children. .I known God is
Coming soon, because of all the bad things that are happening now, watch over us..not
One day goes by I do not bthink of you. .I heard your voice a coupl e of times and my mothers
Voice it sooths me, but I get frightened. when I
here them I think I am going crazy..I muss you so much, I call, or say your name out loud like you are stil with me, I include you in my family like you are still with us, because sometimed I think you are and mom too, pauline, to I still
remember your living voices, it is kind of errie
but I am not afraid of any of you..I have been feeling sick, with bad head aches..I love you my big girl...always mom

  ONE DAY! A BABY GIRL WAS BORN, HER NAME WAS  BRITTANY

     SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL...SHE  WAS HEALTHY FROM HEAD TO TOE

 ONE DAY...SHE GREW UP TO  BE A BEAUTIFUL GIRL..HAD A CHILD

AONE DAY...SHE MET  HER KILLERS...NEVER SAW THAT BEAUTIFUL

GIRL AGAIN..HOW I THINK OF HER. HOW I THINK OF HER DAUGHTER

SHE LEFT BEHIND, HOE SHE WILL NEVER KNOW HER BEAUTIFUL

MOM..ONE DAY..I THOUGHT HAD SOMEONE TRY TO HELP HER

THAT NIGHT SHE WOULD BE WITH HER DAUGHTER, BUT NO ONE DID

SO NOW THIS LITTLE GIRL HAS NO MOTHER...THE SAYING IS WHY

DIDN'T ANYONE TRY TO HELP THIS GIRL...BECAUSE IT  WAS A CRIME

THIS LITTLE GIRL DESERVES THE RIGHT TO KNOW WHY NO ONE HELP

HER  MOM..SHE WOULD LIKE TO KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT HER MOMS

DEATH, SHEVWOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHY THE POLICE LET THE PEOPLE

INVOLVED GO AND WHY THEY DID NOT BRING JUSTICE  FOR HER MOTHERS

DEATH, THIS  LITTLE GIRL IS ASKING QUESTIONES ABOUT HER MOM

THIS LIILE GIRL WANTS TO KNOW HER MOTHER..NOT LIES

ONE DAY..SHE WILL GET THE TRUTH..HER  MOTHER LOVED HER

DO MUCH..SHE WORKEF HARD TO RAISE HER  ALINE, SHE

WENT TO COLLEGE AND PLAYED SOFTBALL WAS Very SMARt

THIS LITTLE GIRL EANTD TO KNOW  WHY, HER MOTHERS STORY

WAS  NEVER TOLD, SHE ONLY HEARS LIES....THIS MESSAGE IS FROM

YOUR DAUGHTER GRACE WHO LOVES YOU MOMMY..WE WILL FIND THE

TRUTH LOVE. GRACIE AND GRANDMA


 

HELLO, MY GIRL, I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY TO YOU...I MISS YOU SO MUCH
NOTHING HAS CHANGED SINCE APRIL 16 2009..MANY HAVE  FORGOTTEN YOU
I WILL NEVER, SWEETHEART...I DO NOT KNOW WHAT HAPPEN TO YOU THAT NIGHT
BUT I KNOW IT WAS NOT ACCIDENT..THOUGH MANY SAY IT I WAS..I BELIEVE
YOU WERE HURT..I DREAM YOU..I KNOW YOU ARE SPECIAL..YOUR DAUGHTER
GRACE IS GETTING BIG AND MORE BEAUTIFUL EACH DAY..WE LIVE IN
THE DEVILS WORLD NOTHING GIVES ME PLEASUREVTHESE DAYS
WE LIVE IN A WORLD THAT IS CONTROLLED BY THE DEVIL..I KNOW
YOU LIVE WITH GOD AND HE LOVES YOU more than I,

YOU  LIVE IN PARADISE SOMETHING YOU DESERVE.. I HOPE YOU ARE
HAVING PEACE NO HEARTACHE..WHEN I WATCH BASEBALL I THINK Of YOU
YOU ARE MY SUPPER STAR..I BELIEVE IN GOD..I DO JOT BEIEVE IN MAN
THEY ARE THE ONES THAT HURT YOU..I CAN NOT EVER GET OVER LOSING
YOU..MY WORLD, MY HAPPINES ALL CHANGED FOR EVER
I BLAME SO MANY PEOPLE THAT CIULD HAVE SAVED TOU BUT
DID NOT..THE ANGER Inside OF ME IS SO POWEFUL..OUR JUSTICE
SYSTEM  LET YOU DOWN AND LET YOUR DAUGHTER DOWN BY NOT
BBY NOT SEEKING JUSTICE FOR YOUR DEATH..WE LIVE IN A  UNSAFE
WORLD WHAT GOD CREATED HAD BECOME HELL..GOD NEVER
WANTED HIS CREATION TO  BE LIKE THIS, I KNOW IN HEAVEN
A BEAUTIFUL PLACE..YPU ARE SPECIAL.YOU PASSED AWAY
IN A SPECIAL TIME OF THE YEAR YOU HAVE GODS BLESSINGs

I DO NOT  TRUST ANYONELIVING LIKE THIS US HARD
YOU WERE MY HAPPY, PEACE MAKING CHILD, YOU FOR GAVE
EVERYONE I REMEMBER YOU TELLING ME THAT WHEN I DOUBTED
MYSELF OR WHEN I WADVANGRY AT SOMEONE I MISS YPU REMINDING 
ME THAY GOD WANTS US TO FOR GIVE EVERYONE I AM LOST WITH
OUT YOU...WHEN OTHETS WRTE MEAN TO ME I HD YOU TO
CONSOL ME..I LESRNED ALLOT FROM YOU..I MISS YOUR SMILE
ANAND YOUR FUNNY AND CONTAGIOUS LAUGH.

I DO NOTVCAREVWHAT PEOPKE THINK OF ME, THEY CAN
CALL ME CRAZY, THEY FAN CQLL ME NUTS YOU
WRRE MY DAUTHTER THATVWO KANY PEOPLE ENVIED
Because OF YOUR TALENTS AND YOUR FOURWGE TO HE WHO
YOU WERE...I REMEMBER IN HIGH SCHOOL YOU PITCHED A
NO HITTER NO ONE HAD DONE THAT..I LOVE YOU I MISD WHAT
YOU FOULD HAVE BEEN HAD YOU NOT TRUSTED THESE PEOPLE
BUT KNOWING YOU, YOU TRUSTED THE WRONG PEOPLE
LIKE I TRUSTED OUR JUSTICE SYSTEM .

WE ARE HURTING, BUT HANGING IN THERE WE BELIEGE IN
GODS WORD AND PROMISES..YOUR SO FALL FRIENDS ARE 
LIVUNG THERE LIVES LIKE NOTHING HaSPPEN, THE POLICE HAVE
PUSHED THIS CASE UNDER THE CARPET THEY THINK
I HAVE FORGOT...I WANT TO SPEAK UP BUT WHEN I DO
THEY SHUT ME ASIDE THAT IS NOT JUSTICE, IT IS A CORRUPT
JUSTICE SYSTEM WE HAVE, I HAVE TO RELY ON GOD TO CHANGE
HEARTS AND MINDS OF OUR JUSTICE SYSTEM, I AM NOTHING
COMPARED TO THE POWER IF OUR CRAZY WORLD..
L
THE DRUGBDEALER NEVER GOT CHARGED FOR SELLING
YOU THE L DRUG THAT PLAYED A PART IN YOUR DEATH
OR THOSE FRIENDS WERE NEVER DRUG TESTED IT IS
AGAINST THE LAW TO DO DRUGS BABY YOUR STORY
HAS DOYBLE STANDARD WRITEN ALL OVER IT..NOT FAIR
OR RIGHT SO MANY THINGS ARE WRONG EITH YOUR 
DEATH THAT I CAN NOR FORGET

One Day!

            I  felt you!, One day, you moved like a fish in my stomache


    One Day! you were born, one day, i counted your toes, one day, you started to walk.

      One day1 you started school, one day,you smiled at me, one day you got a A in math


       One day, you went to the  school prom. One day you went from teenager to adult.

   One day, you had a baby!..One day, you said I love you mom. One day, you met the night

  One day! you were my star player, always made it to first base. One day, it was gone. One day

you said mom I will be ok, One day, you did not come back. One day, I heard you cry? but I  could

  not reach you. One day it was over. One day! i wished I had that one day back, one day I will

   be with you. One day!! I saw my little girl in that box. One day! things will be right,one day  I

   saw the light, One day! my girl was gone from my site. One day, that box, I saw was a doll, in it so

  pretty, so quiet, there you lye, with a smile on your face. One day! I held you in my arms. One day

I had to let you go. One day I saw a angel carring you home. One day! I saw the angel white as the snow

  you were held in his arms. one day, you flew away to your home. One day!I changed your diapers. One day

I had to let you go upon that white wing in the sky. One day i woke up with you in my arms. One day

we were together again. One day. I forgave those who hurt you one day, you were born again


(Mom).....I love you....I hope you are happy, because i am sad, I miss you more than anything else in this world
God sure does make life so hard, but God is love....i miss your goofy laugh! I miss your home runs...ithat is why I love
to watch the GIANTS...you are my star....
   

Gosh, Britt... Its been a lil while now, but I still feel the pain and heartache that I felt the day u left us. They say time heals, but how much time? The holidays are so hard... it doesnt feel the same because u are NOT with us? I dont understand why? I cant accept it... Life is NOT fair! I love and miss u Britt. ♥

Merry Christmas Britt ... ♥ U

12-23-10

Hi, my girl, we miss you, on December 11,2010, it is almost 2 years since you left us, tonight I was praying to God and praising him for letting me have you for 22 years and giving me a beautiful granddaughter how greatful I am honey I miss you so much, I hurt more today than the day you left but I got to go on, I am weak, I am sad, no smile because of the losss of you and the for the things that have departed my family, I am seeking Gods peace more and more everyday, as the holidays creepe up on me I  seek him and I pray to him to ease my burdon and heal my heart and those of your brothers and sisters who miss you sososo....much and your baby Grace....she will never get a chance to know you! it hurts Britt, people tell me to go on with out you and I have to, I have been so hurt for so long and I have ignored the rest of the kids, I did not have the strength, but Cheyenne needs all my love and all I can give her, she is my baby, she has suffered so much since you died honey, she misses you so much and is having a hard time because she loved you so much, she told me the other day that she had secrets about you and her i said I do not want to know because you were her big sis and secrets between you and her are very special, but britt I know you loved her and your brothers and sisters, Brandon is hanging in there Mike is coming home from jail, he is misssing you soso...much, we were hhit hard with your loss, I can not put this family back together with out God, his love and understanding why he took my baby home sometimes i still do not want to get out of bed to this crazy world that is so cold and full of hurt and pain nothing makes me happy, I carry the sadness too much, i seek God on my knees he is my helper, my keeper, my everything, I can't cry anymore so much medication I am on just to help me make it through another day, I am confussed so God please listen to this letter it is my heart to you to let you know what this loss has done to my family, you want me to be happy, you want me to forget, but I love my daughter and I had to give her back to you too early why? my baseball queen gone, this embtyness will always be in my soul please God remove it, Christmas is a sad day for us how can I smile how can I act like nothing has happen my whole family is so parted why? you want me to have faith? you want me to trust you! why? Satan is here, Satan has control and he is powerful, but I know you are stronger than he is show me you are? God before I loose it all I want for Christmas is for my family to be together, but not all will be home, but watch out for her and you ask me to have patients I have I have and I have-------please do not break that string it is my life line between you and hell.....I ask and pray you show me you are bigger than my circummstances show me you have not forgotten me, please, I go out in faith everyday I go out in faith you make my nightmares go away, I go out in faith to help people if I can not do it with money I share what I have if it is a pice of bread I give, let it be that I can give more, God hug my little girl hold her and give her a big hug for me God I sing my song to you it is called I have return To the God of my Childhood the words I sing to you, I want you to take my daughter by the hand in heaven and hold her and say Child you have returned to me with a child like likeness because dear lord she is your child and this song brings such peace to me  when I think of her she has returned to you! people, do not understand how I feel God, only you can understand and have patients for me and my family, I only have to pray to you, I go from her to there to here your word but I need to feel you in my heart and I never left you, ever I am tired dear lord of this embtyness, of what lives in me only you can bring me sunshine, only you can make a table fly or a door open or a blind see I want you to restore love in my heart it has been missing far to long and I ask you make uour promisses known to me in my heart the bitterness the anger I carry, I can not hide from you I know I exist in this world waiting to see my daughter Brittany someday and I will never leave you I believe you are the one who can change ythings in my life not man, many are liars, evil and they are destine to be evil how can I have faith in man from the start man was made that way  I have faith in a man I can not see, but is there, everythging I learned about you was so conffussing, but you made it simple it is man who made it difficult, I stan still in the moment waiting for you. I have been so mean, like a hartlet towards your people please restore me in your image, so I do not have the scars of this life in my soul make me new with new experiences in my heart so I can offer my loved ones a different perspective about love and forgiveness something you say we all need, I know you know what i am thinking before I think it, you know my heart and you are stronger than the devil I am not afraid of death, but I am afraid of the devil, God, I come to you broken,hurt and sad and little faith, you can restore me and my family, but why do you allow tragedy? it is life, the thing that gets me is the way you chose to take someone home, I want to know my daughter did not suffer, I want to know you carried her home and her last breath was pain free, I believe it was like that for her, I believe death is not death it is to depart from the body is to be present with you! I want to believe that. It has been almost 2 years since my daughter Brittany went home I will never know what happen to her that night because of man so I must go beyond man and have faith that she is with you God please make me realize there is nothing I can do to bring her back, I do not have that reality will I ever I know I have not face reality of her death, I sometimes I feel like I am in a bad dream, I feel like I am going crazy God it is not reality when I think she is still with me, what do you want me to believe I want to just see her one more time just for a miniute why? the thought consumbes me, I feel like you will take another family member home soon, I fear it! we are all going to go home to you someday, but this fear I have is constant, but I ask dear lord if you do take us home early you take us all at once so we will all be together, God I ask you to give me grace for thinking like this, but I have to write from my dirty heart and mind make it clear to me that those thoughts are evil and from the devil, please remove those thoughts restore my mind to happy times you made earth and all of the living things for everone, Brittany I love you, we love you your mother is a basket case, crazy like they say I am, but part of me was taken the night you passed and than again when they took Grace from me, I am broken, I can not piece together my life the way it was, your baby pictures, your chubby checks your personality lives on in my mind had heart, you know I asked God for exactly 5 children and that is exactly what he gave me to take one before me is hard, but i know your are a special angel, he needed you more than I I say it I wrtie it but I do not feel it. I will get a car soon! so I can go visit you and so I can get Cheyenne the help she needs my last baby, my little girl that has and is struggling Brit, she is lost and I am at fault because the baby cameGrace and than you passed and Cheyenne was ignored and Mike my focus was on you and grace I am so sorry God will deal with me when I go home, but I have reached out for help for her I asked and I recieved it being a parent means more than just giving birth it means a whole lot more I see my failures, I see my bad heart and it cost me you! I can not live with that honey God has given me these troubles so I can see my image I am so sorry Britt I failed you I tried to raise you all with out God---I thought I was ok, God is revealing my true heart------evil my thoughts bad-----but God works better when I can say I am wrong, i am evil God I can not do it with out you why God it took me to lose a child for you to reveal my heart and my evilness God took something from me that i can not replace ever how can I be truly happy and thankful---so hard, Brittany I remember one day, I was taking you to school in the morning and you fell out of the car God could have taken you than but he spared you, again you could have been on a ride at a amusement park God intervene and you did not get on that ride he saved you that day, but on April 16,2009 he took you home so God has big plans for you! he needed you more than I this gives me a little peace God will work, I look back at the times he could have taken you and he did not why, proof that he is powerful Merry Christmas my fisty girl love Mom

                

A Mother's Prayer

Lord, today is Mother's Day, but my heart is split in two.

Half is with the child still here,

The other with the child that is now there with you.

All the lovely presents are a nice surprise,

But the one thing I want most is missing,

And tears fill my eyes.

I know when you sent him, Lord,

You didn't promise how long he would stay.

All you said was to love him and treasure each and every day.

But Lord, it crushed my heart when you called for his return.

I feel like half a Mom, as I ache, weep and yearn.

But Lord, tell him I love him just as much as I did before.

And could you please make a window,

so he can see through heaven's door ?

Let him see that he is missed and thought of with each breath.

And that a Mother's love begins before life, and does not end with death.

So, on this Mother's Day, the Greatest Gift, I give to you.

For Lord, I know you missed him and you loved him, too.

                                        -Author Unknown-